


Senior Year

by Thatmusicalnerd



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Connor Murphy Lives (Dear Evan Hansen), Anxiety, Connor Murphy & Zoe Murphy Get Along, Jared Kleinman Has Two Moms, M/M, Mentioned Suicide Attempt, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-04-18 13:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14213820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatmusicalnerd/pseuds/Thatmusicalnerd
Summary: Evan Hansen has always been an outsider. He never thought that he'd even make it though high school. Until the first day of senior year, when he happens to run into his crush's brother in the computer lab and suddenly finds himself in an attempt to finally feel like he belongs somewhere.Connor Murphy is a freak. Everybody knows it. Even him. He also happens to be in love with Evan Hansen, who probably thinks he's a freak, too. So when he all of a sudden he meets Evan in the computer lab, he's stunned to find that his social life is about to change.





	1. The Morning of the First Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first DEH fic and I'm so ready for this. As I'm in high school myself updates may not be very frequent, but they will come. I intend to be in it from start to finish. So bare with me!!

_Dear Evan Hansen_

_Today is going to be a good day, and here’s why…_

 

Nope, Evan tells himself as he deletes the two lines that he’s managed to write down. He just can’t think of anything to write in these letters that’ll “help him build his confidence”. And sure, he gets why his therapist would think that this would help, but then again, Evan is an anxious guy. Does his Dr. Sherman really think that thinking about what the day will bring is going to help him when all he can think about is what could go wrong with the first day of senior year? What if he falls when he walks into class? Everyone will be staring at him. He will be so humiliated! No one would forget about that day when he embarrassed himself in front of the whole class on the first day of school and okay, nope, Evan is not going to school today. Maybe tomorrow. Or next week. Or never. Is that an option?

 

Evan reaches over to his night stand and grabs the bottle of Xanax. He was skeptical at first, but it actually does help sometimes. Or at least, that’s what he thinks, since he doesn’t really go a day without it these days. He has just swallowed down the pill when there’s a knock on the door. It opens before Evan can answer it, and his mother peaks her head in from the hall.

 

“Hi sweetie!” She says cheerfully, like that’s actually gonna help. “Are you ready for the new year?”

 

“I guess” Is all that Evan can manage to come up with. He feels like he should have had something better to say. He knows that his mother worries about him. He knows that she knows that he doesn’t have a lot of friends. One friend, to be precise; Jared Kleinman, who has made it very clear that they are not actually friends, only ‘family friends’. Evan doesn’t tell his mother about this though, because why should he? That would just be another reason for her to worry.

 

“I’ll be working tonight, but I’ll leave some money for you so that you can order some food. Does that sound good?” His mother works a lot. Like, really, a lot. So much that Evan actually doesn’t see her very often.

 

“Sounds great, Mom.” Evan is used to not having his mom around. It’s been like this since he was 13.

 

“You know, I could take the evening off tomorrow and we could have a taco-tuesday, like old times!” Evan knows that his mom is trying to be there for him. Ever since he broke his arm she’s been trying even more to assure him that life is great. Evan doesn’t really understand why. He told her that it was a fall, how would she suspect otherwise? It’s not like she was around enough for her to actually notice that something wasn’t right.

 

“That would be nice, actually.” He appreciates her efforts, even though they don’t always sound very reassuring.

 

“By the way, have you been writing those letters to yourself? You know, the ones that your therapist wanted you to try?”

 

“I started one, but it just felt so weird writing about a day that hasn’t even happened yet and I don’t really know how to start…” It’s only half of the truth, Evan doesn’t tell his mother that he’s doubting the method of ‘confidence-boosting’ that his therapist has brought because why make her worry even more?

 

“Those letters are going to be good for you, honey. Remember what the doctor said about building your confidence! I really think that this is going to help you.”

 

“Well, I guess.”

 

“You could at least try to be a little optimistic, honey. Give it a chance, this might be something that could help you start fresh with the new year. I know, you could go around and ask the other kids to sign your cast today!”

 

Evan looks down at his cast. Right, like anyone would want to sign this. He doubts that even Jared will, he guesses that it’s another thing that only ‘real friends’ do.

 

“Sure, Mom.” Is what Evan can manage to squeeze out.

 

“I’m proud of you already!”

 

“Oh, good...” Evan replies before going downstairs to grab some breakfast before leaving for school. He really wants to assure his mother that everything is fine. That everything is going to work out great for him, but it’s hard when he barely believes that himself.

 

Who knows. Maybe she’s right. Maybe this year is going to amazing and Evan’s going to find all these new, real friends so that he can finally feel normal. Maybe he’ll finally stop being so damn anxious and maybe he’ll find the confidence he needs to actually start _talking_ to people. Maybe he can work up the confidence to talk to Zoe Murphy. Maybe he can find the motivation to work up his grades so that he can go to college, if he can afford college, that is. There are a lot of maybe’s, and Evan really wants them to be true.

 

But he doesn’t really believe in it.

____________________________________________

 

Connor Murphy is a hopeless case. He knows this for a fact, because he knows that his parents have given up on him. He can hear them screaming at each other at night and it’s usually about him. His mother tries to defend him but deep down Connor knows that she’s lost all hope on him too. He isn’t really bothered by this fact, he’s kind of given up on himself as well.

 

The morning of the first day of Connor’s senior year starts like every other first school day has started for the past 2 years. He wakes up way earlier than he has to. He remembers that it’s the first day of school. He has that strong ‘I can’t’-feeling and decides that he should get high before breakfast to ease his nerves. He smokes a joint, he feels better. He goes down to his family to have a ‘nice breakfast’ that his mother always insists upon on ‘the first day of school’-days.

 

“Hey, Mom.” Connor says, still a little trippy. “Do I really have to go to school today? First days aren’t even that important. I promise I’ll go tomorrow.”

 

“Absolutely not, Connor!” Why did he even ask? “It’s your senior year, you are not missing the first day!”

 

“I said I will go tomorrow, I’m trying to find a compromise here.” Connor doesn’t even know why he’s pushing this, he knows he’ll end up going to school anyways.

 

“First days are important!” Connors mother looks over at his father. “Aren’t you gonna get involved here?” She asks even though both her and Connor knows that he won’t bother making any effort to pretend that he cares.

 

“You have to go to school, Connor.” His father says absentmindedly. ‘ _Wow, he actually almost tried to pretend that he cared_ ’, Connor thinks to himself.

 

“Is that all you’re gonna say?” Connors mother asks, clearly annoyed with his father.

 

“What do you want me to say? He won’t listen anyway. Look at him, he’s probably high.”

 

“He’s definitely high.” Connor can hear his sister say from across the table.

 

“Fuck you!” He erupts, putting his head down on the table.

 

“Fuck you!”

 

“I do not need you picking at your brother right now, that is not constructive! Besides, he’s not high.” Connor takes his head back up, and that’s when his mother discovers his bloodshot eyes. “Are you high?” She asks him, now clearly aware of the obvious. “I don’t want you to go to school high, Connor. We have talked about this.”

 

“Perfect, so then I won’t go!” Connor gets up from the table and makes a run for the stairs back up to his room. “Thanks Mom!” He calls out as he’s leaving.

 

Connor gets back into his room and closes the door behind him. He sits down on his bed and relaxes for a bit. He knows that he’ll end up going to school. There’s no escaping it. But right now he doesn’t really care. All he can think about is that disappointed look on his mother’s face when she realized that he was high. He hates letting his mother down, he really does. Lately, though, it seems like that’s the only thing that he’s good at. Letting people he cares about down, that is. He constantly lets his mother down. He lets Zoe down. Sometimes he even feels bad about letting his father down, even though he doesn’t really seem to care any more.

 

There’s a sudden knock on the door. Then it opens, and there’s Zoe.

 

“I’m leaving now, you coming or are you going to walk to school?”

 

“Who says I’m going to school?”

 

“You are, I know you wouldn’t want to miss another opportunity to stare a little too long at Evan Hansen while telling Jared Kleinman to go to hell.”

 

“Fuck off.” Connor tells his sister while grabbing his bag and walking out the door.

 

He knows that she knows about his crush on Evan Hansen. Quite frankly, he doesn’t care that she knows. Connor has never tried to hide the fact that he’s gay, and Zoe picked up on his crush pretty quickly. He guesses that she noticed him staring a little too long in the hall when she was talking to him once about his bad drug habit.

 

They walk out the front door and onto the driveway. Zoe brings out the keys to the car and gets in the driver’s seat. Connor would argue but he’s still a bit out of it and decides that he doesn’t want to disappoint his mother and drive himself and his sister off the road in the same morning.

 

“Seriously, though.” Connor can hear his sister saying from the steering wheel as she starts the car. “You shouldn’t get high so early in the morning, It’ll mess up your brain ever more.”

 

“What do you care?” Connor asks with a grin.

 

“I’m serious, Connor.” She actually sounds concerned, which makes Connor feel even worse about this shitty morning.

 

“We’ve had this conversation too many times already, don’t you think that it’s time to give it a rest?”

 

“It’ll never be a good time to give it a rest. You do know that this stuff could kill you, right? Or it could get you killed, if you get mixed up with the wrong people. I just want you to stay safe!”

 

“You’re overreacting, Zoe.” Connor has faced this conversation many, many times before. His mother, Zoe, his therapist, heck, even his father brought it up a few times. He’s used to it by now. “You know I would never get mixed up in anything serious, I don’t care enough about those things.”

 

"Maybe not anymore, but I saw you outside of school last year."

 

Connor knows what she's referring to.

 

Last year was... intense. He'd gotten addicted to Oxycodone and spent the summer in rehab. Last year he and his dealer had been in a few disagreements, one in particular that ended up with Connor having a nosebleed and the dealer having a black eye.

 

"I'm past that" is all that Connor can think of. Because he is. He's told his dealer that he's out, he doesn't have any debts, he's guilt-free.

 

“You say that now… Look, I only bring it up because I care, you know that right?” Zoe may be a real pain in the ass sometimes, but she never lets you think that she’s not there for you.

 

“I know that, but don’t worry. I haven't been on the serious stuff since I got out of rehab.”

 

“Okay then...”

 

She seems to be giving up on the conversation for now, but Connor knows that it'll come up again soon. It always does. Suddenly, Zoe gets a revealing smirk on her face.

 

Connor knows what’s coming.

 

“Why don’t you go talk to Evan Hansen today? He’s usually alone and after completely failing to talk to him for the past three years that you’ve been into him I think senior year might be for you.”

 

Connor doesn’t answer that, he just gives Zoe a nudge on the arm light enough to not distract her driving. He’s thought about talking to Evan a lot, but something always makes him back out.

 

“Maybe.” He says finally. He can see that Zoe is satisfied with that answer for now and leans back. This might actually be a not half-bad day after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me your thoughts. I'm still a bit unsure of some parts of the story but most of it is all in my head. So I hope you'll stick around for this!
> 
> Have a nice one!


	2. Empty Halls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared Kleinman is an insensitive asshole, but he knows where the line is drawn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read this, know that I love Jared Kleinman!! Buuuut sometimes he's insensitive. And an asshole. An insensitive asshole.

Evan walks through the door. The halls of his school are usually pretty crowded in the mornings, but this particular morning they almost feel calmer than usual. It’s like when he walked in, all of the noises and loud talking died down and people turned to look directly at him. Evan knows that that’s probably not the case, he is not really important enough for people to care if he walked through the front door of his high school, but he always feels kind of stared at. Especially the first few days of school. Getting used to having this much people around always takes a while.

 

He walks up to his locker. Quietly. With his head down.

 

As always.

 

He knows that if he looks up, then he might accidentally make eye contact with someone and it would be awkward and then that person would think that he’s weird or stupid or creepy or all of the above and he would be so ashamed-

 

 _Relax_ , he thinks to himself. _That won’t happen if you play it cool, so just play it cool…_

 

Evan slowly realizes that he doesn't know how to play it cool.

 

“Oi, Hansen!”

 

Evan is startled out of his own thoughts by the sound of his name. Who would be calling out to him like this? Why would anyone want to talk to him? Evan doesn’t really have the time to think for much longer before he feels an arm around his shoulders. He jumps, startled by the sudden move.

 

“Relax, Evan” says a familiar voice. “I’m not gonna hurt you. It looks like you’ve managed to do that all by yourself. What happened to your arm, dude?”

 

Jared Kleinman.

 

“Hi Jared” is all Evan manages to get out.

 

Jared just looks at him with a quizzical expression. “Your arm?”

 

“Oh!” He desperately tries to think of a way to answer. Obviously he’s not going to tell Jared what actually happened. “A-actually I eh… I fell out of a tree a few weeks ago-”

 

“You fell out of a tree?!” Jared says, just a little to loud, and Evan can feel how a few couple of eyes are being turned to the two of them.

 

“E-eh… well, yeah.” Evan manages to get out, because what else is there to say? After all, it’s the truth… sort of.

 

“So you were climbing a tree, and you fell?” Jared can’t seem to let it go, and Evan just nods in response. “What are you, ten? Why would you be climbing a tree?”

 

“Well I was actually-”

 

“Nevermind. You should probably find a better story than that, otherwise people are going to think that you're a whimp." Jared moves on, not even bothering to listen to Evans explanation.

 

Not that he really had any further explanation about his broken arm.

 

“Eh... Okay...”

 

Evan looks down per reflex, and suddenly remembers his mother’s words about his cast.

 

“Hey, uh…” He starts, looking for a smooth way to bring up the topic. “Would you, er… Doyouwanttosignmycast?”

 

“What?”

 

“Nothin-”

 

“Why would I do that?” Jared’s words are like a slap in the face, though Evan’s not sure why he’s even surprised.

 

“W-well because we’re friends-”

 

“We’re _family friends_ , Evan. You know that’s not the same thing as real friends.”

 

There it is. _Family friends._ The one person that Evan thinks of as a friend doesn’t even regard their friendship as real. It bothers Evan a lot, even though he’d never admit it to Jared. That would only make Jared tease and taunt him even more.

 

Evan doesn’t really have the time to answer Jared until the attention of the latter is switched to the tall, slender figure by the lockers across the hall from Evan’s. His head is turned down. He doesn’t look too happy about being at school. Evan can relate. He recognizes the boy right away - that’s Connor Murphy. The guy that people spread rumours about all the time. Apparently he beat up a guy so bad that he went into a coma. Evan has never really been the guy to believe in rumours without facts to support them, so he never really thought that Connor actually did all the things that people said about him.

 

As Connor shuts his locker, Jared get’s a sly smile on his face. Oh crap.

 

“Hey Connor, love the hair!” The punch is coming, Evan can feel it. “Very school-shooter-chick” Jared continues.

 

Yep. There it was.

 

Connor just stares blankly at Jared. Evan can’t really determine what’s going through his head right now. Jared, however, seems to be looking for some sort of reaction from Connor. It’s like he wants to be an asshole.

 

“That… that was a joke.” Jared says, still trying to bring out a reaction from Connor.

 

“Yeah, it was funny, I’m laughing, can’t you tell?” Connor seems to have a building irritation inside his head. It’s like the more he thinks about Jared’s words, the angrier he gets. “Am I not laughing hard enough for you?”

 

It’s probably not the exact reaction that Jared wanted, but he seems to have noticed the irritation building in Connor and somehow decides to back down before he get’s a punch in the face.

 

“You’re such a freak.”

 

And with that, Jared walks away.

 

Why insult someone just to make them mad? Evan doesn’t get it! That’s just ridiculous! The whole situation is just so absurd, he can't help himself from laughing. It's just so stupid!

 

All of a sudden, Evan can feel Connor's attention switch to him.

 

Oh no.

 

“Are you laughing?”

 

Evan stops laughing immediately, realizing that Connor’s got it all wrong.

 

“Stop fucking laughing! Do you think I’m a freak?!”

 

Evan tries so, so desperately to explain himself, but the words don’t seem to want to come out of his mouth in the way that he wants them to. He tries to make himself sound calm, collected, but he’s scared and he doesn’t know how to calm the boy about twice his height down.

 

“You’re the fucking freak!”

 

Connor shoves Evan into the lockers, before storming off. Evan tries to collect himself, tries to get his head cleared out so that he can process what just happened, but everything is a mess.

 

He’s a mess.

 

Connor’s right. He is a freak. Evan knows that, that’s why he tried to… He thought that if he wasn’t there anymore, his mother could finally have some peace. Jared wouldn’t have to hang out with him for his car insurance anymore.

 

Everyone would be happy.

 

And he failed.

______________________________________

 

Connor has been looking for Evan Hansen all afternoon. Fuck, why does he have to be such an asshole? He had been listening to the conversation that he’d had with Jared Kleinman and it just made him _so mad_ how Jared could treat Evan so badly. The guy broke his arm, for fuck’s sake, try to show some respect!

 

Connor’s not even going to think about Jared’s family-friend-comment anymore, that’s what really pissed him off. How can you be so cruel to someone you've known all your life?

 

Connor didn’t really mind Jared commenting his hair at first, it’s not really anything that he hasn’t gotten before. Then the ‘school-shooter-chick’ comment came up and slapped him right in the face.

 

How can you even think about joking about something like that?

 

Connor would never, ever do something like that. The fact that someone would even think that about him makes him... Just... Connor would never think about harming someone that hasn’t done him wrong. Even if a lot of people at school have been awful to him, most people don’t even know who he is.

 

The only person that Connor would intentionally harm is himself.

 

He knows that he was wrong shoving Evan against the lockers. He didn’t even do anything. Connor knew deep down that he wasn’t laughing at him and that he didn’t find Jared’s joke particularly funny. He simply doesn’t seem like the kind of person that likes those kind of jokes. In the moment, though, he was too pissed of to think before lashing out. As always. He really needs to get better at controlling his emotions, damn it!

 

He’s probably been looking for Evan for about an hour when he finally gives up. Maybe Evan is avoiding him? It wouldn’t be weird if he did, considering this morning. Crap. All Connor wants is to apologize. Maybe he just needs to give Evan some time? Yeah, time should do it. But if he give him too much time then maybe Evan will take offense that he didn’t apologize sooner? That could happen. But he shouldn’t be pushy, either. That might only make things worse…

 

“Why do I even care?!” Connor finds himself saying, rather than thinking, a little bit louder than anticipated. Luckily no one is around to judge him or think he’s a freak. The halls are completely empty. Most people are probably in class. Or not. Connor doesn’t care. Why would he? He skips class all the time. He’s skipping right now to look for Evan Hansen, for fuck’s sake.

 

“Why do I care about finding some kid that I shoved into a locker?” Connor continues talking, because why not just talk instead of keeping everything in his head? It’s not like anyone’s around to hear him. “Oh, that’s right, because I’ve been fucking in love with him for, like… forever and now I’ve been an asshole like always and I need to find him and apologize so that he doesn’t hate me and maybe he’ll even realize that I actually exist if I talk to him?”

 

“That is just too adorable, I might actually cry.”

 

Connor jolts. He feels his heart beat faster and faster and he’s probably never been this terrified in his whole life. If it was anyone else he’d probably not care very much, he’d just tell that person to keep their mouth shut and they’d probably do that because most people seem to be a bit afraid of him. This time, however, he finds that the roles have been switched. Now he’s the one who’s afraid. Because he recognizes this voice. He takes a deep breath and turns around, to find that he was right about who just heard him pour his heart out to the lockers of the empty halls.

 

Jared fucking Kleinman.

 

“So, you like Evan?” Jared has a smile on his face. Not the kind of smile that he had this morning when he commented on his hair, a genuinely happy smile.

 

It doesn't sit well with Connor.

 

“Why would you assume that it’s Evan?” Connor can’t figure out why Jared is smiling, but he doesn’t know if he should laugh or cry at the moment.

 

“I saw you shove him this morning and I assume that you haven’t shoved any other kid since” Jared shoots back. He’s like a comeback-machine.

 

Connor doesn’t know how to respond to that. He can feel himself becoming more and more desperate. Evan can’t know. At least not from someone else.

 

“Please don’t tell him…” That’s the only response that Connor can think of. Jared’s expression shifts from happy to amused.

 

“Wow, are you - Connor Murphy - _begging_ me not to tell the guy that you’re crushing on that you’re crushing on him?”

 

“Well… yes.”

 

The whole situation is like it came straight from the most cliché teenage-drama-movie ever, but apparently this is what Connor’s life has become.

 

“Relax” Jared responds. Connor doesn’t know what to think. “I might be an insensitive asshole, but I’m not _that_ insensitive. You’re secret’s safe with me.”

 

“Why? Just this morning you basically told me that I look like a school shooter, why would you be nice to me all of a sudden?”

 

“Well, your hair has that typical I’ll-shoot-everyone-at-my-shitty-school-because-they’re-all-shitty-look, are you really that surprised?”

 

It’s like Jared wants to get a punch in the face, but doing that could cause him to change his mind and actually tell Evan about Connor’s pathetic outburst in the hall. Connor can’t risk that.

 

“You’re point being?” Connor answers instead, trying to keep himself as calm as possible, considering the circumstances.

 

“That I have a certain respect for privacy, and I know where the line is drawn.”

 

Jared actually sounds quite genuine when he says that. It calms Connor down a little bit.

 

“So… you won’t tell Evan?” Connor asks, wanting to confirm that Jared will actually keep his secret.

 

“I won’t”

 

Then, Jared turns around and just walks away. Connor takes a moment to collect his thoughts.

 

 _'This day is just getting more and more fucked up by the minute'_ he thinks to himself.

 

Evan is slowly working his way back into Connor's thoughts, and Connor realizes that he still has to apologize to him.

 

"Well, it can't be worse than Jared being a snitch" Connor says to himself, then continues his search for Evan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me your thoughts, and feel free to correct my spelling/grammar. Hope you like it!


	3. Pretend-friends/Family-friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan has a proposition. Jared knows a lot of things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These updates are almost non-existent, I know... But here you go, anyways.
> 
> Enjoy :)

 

When Connor finally finds Evan, it’s in a place where he’d looked twice already.

 

The computer lab.

 

He’s writing on something, but Connor doesn’t know what and he’s not about to snoop on something that he has nothing to do with. He has some sense of privacy, thank you very much.

 

He would very much like to know, though…

 

Connor can feel himself walking closer to Evan and tries desperately to think of something to say before he’s just standing right behind him like the freak that he is.

 

Not Evan.

 

Him.

 

He hears the printer start to print something out behind him. Evan seems to be finished at the computer.

 

No!

 

‘ _Don’t let him leave, you’ll never get another chance to apologize!’_

 

Connor makes a split-second decision. He takes the printed out paper, makes sure that it’s actually Evan’s paper and walks up to Evan.

 

_‘Think of something to say, think of something to say!!!’_

 

That little voice in Connor’s head just won’t shut up, will it?

 

“So…”

 

Wow. So? Really smooth, Connor.

 

Evan jolts, then turns around so that the two boys are standing eye to eye.

 

Damn, his eyes are so beautiful.

 

_‘No, focus Connor.’_

 

“Um, how did you break your arm?” Connor asks, lacking anything better to say.

 

“Oh… I eh- I fell out of a tree, actually…”

 

“You feel out of a tree?”

 

Evan just nods.

 

“Well, that is just the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.”

 

_‘Oh my god, why are you such an asshole?’_

 

“I know, right.” Evan chuckles.

 

“Uh, no one’s signed your cast.” Connor says, trying to bring the conversation forward.

 

“Oh… I guess not…”

 

“Well, I’ll sign it.”

 

It’s not the way he was planning on introducing himself, but now at least Evan won’t forget his name.

 

“Oh, you don’t have too…”

 

Is he kidding? Why would anyone not sign someone’s cast? Refusing is just plain rude. But then again, after overhearing the conversation that Evan had with Jared this morning, Connor won’t be surprised if Jared refused to sign Evan’s cast.

 

Jared is just plain rude, after all.

 

“Do you have a sharpie?”

 

Evan starts digging in his pocket, then he hands over a black sharpie to Connor. Connor takes Evan’s arm, a little to fast it seems, because the sudden movement makes him yelp out a quiet “Ow”.

 

When he’s signed the cast, he immediately realizes that he’s literally signed  _t_ _he whole_ cast.

 

“Thanks...” says Evan, a little hesitant. He’s probably also thinking about the huge letters on that are now displayed on his cast.

 

“Yeah, well, now we can both pretend that we have friends.” Connor answers.

 

Nice save.

 

Suddenly, he remembers the paper that he picked up from the printer.

 

“Um, this was on the printer, it says ‘Dear Evan Hansen’... That’s you, right?”

 

“Oh, yeah, that’s just an assignment that I’ve been given…” Evan says, before basically ripping the paper out of Connor’s hands.

 

_‘Just say it, Connor. You won’t get a better opportunity than this.’_

 

“I’m sorry.” Connor blurts out.

 

Evan just stares.

 

“For pushing you? I’m sorry, I know that you weren’t laughing at me.”

 

“Oh, right, sorry.”

 

“Why are you apologizing? I’m the one who pushed you.”

 

“Right, sorry.”

 

“You apologize a lot, don’t you?”

 

“Sorr- I mean, erm…”

 

Connor had been displaying all kinds of different scenarios in his head. Everything from Evan not forgiving him to not being able to find Evan at all. He thought he’d been prepared for anything when he’d found Evan in the computer lab.

 

This, he did not expect.

 

Now, Evan is the one apologizing?

 

Nope. That's not how this is gonna go.

 

“No, just… look, I was wrong to push you. You didn’t do anything wrong and I’m sorry. You shouldn’t apologize for nothing.”

 

“Well, I laughed at a very inappropriate time so in a way I kind of had it coming and besides Jared’s comment was completely out of line so you absolutely have the right to be angry and I don’t blame you for-”

 

“Evan.”

 

“Y-yes?”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“And stop apologizing.”

 

Evan is about to say something, but stops himself before he has the time. Connor has a sneaking sensation that Evan was about to apologize again.

 

They just stand there for a while. Connor is trying desperately to find something to say but he can’t. There’s nothing more to talk about.

 

“So I just… wanted you to know that, I guess…” Is all that Connor can think of, before turning around and proceeding to walk away.

 

He’s walking down one of many locker-lined schoolhalls towards the doors, when suddenly he hears someone walking in a quick pace behind him.

 

“Hey- uh… Connor?”

 

Evan?

 

Why is Evan walking after him?

 

Connor stops in his tracks and turns around. He’s faced with an extremely nervous-looking Evan Hansen.

 

“Yes?” Connor realizes that that sounded a lot harsher than he intended.

 

“I- erm… You said something about… Us being able to pretend that we have friends?”

 

“I did say that, yes.”

 

“I was just… If we’re going to pretend like we are, then we might as well… I don’t know… Start hanging out?”

 

Connor doesn’t know what to make out of what Evan is saying. Is he asking him to be his friend?

 

“In school, I mean” Evan says in a rush. “I mean, people are going to notice that your name is all over my cast and make the assumption that we’re… not that I’m assuming that people are going to even look at my way long enough to notice that there’s a name on my cast at all so this is basically an unnecessary conversation to be having and I’m sorry that I just ran after you, oh my god-”

 

“People would be stupid if they didn’t notice you...” Connor hears himself saying. It’s too cheesy. It’s too obvious.

 

No!

 

Detour!

 

“You’re wearing a cast all over your arm, of course people are going to notice that.”

 

Saved it.

 

“So… is that a yes?” Evan looks a bit confused, but he hasn’t seemed to notice Connor’s minor slip-up.

 

“I mean, yeah. Just one question though.” Connor needs to be sure of one thing before this goes any further.

 

“What?”

 

“Do I have to pretend to be friends with Jared Kleinman?”

 

“Me and Jared are not friends.”

 

“Right, you’re ‘family friends’...”

 

Connor realizes what he’s just said. Evan is going to know that he eavesdropped on the conversation that he had with Jared this morning. Everything is going to hell. No. Nononononono-

 

“He’s never really been discreet with that one, has he?”

 

Connor can feel himself relax tremendously, but Evan doesn’t seem to notice.

 

“I guess not…” Is all that Connor can manage to answer. He’s still coming down from his inner panic attack.

 

“So… pretend-friends?”

 

Evan looks with a quizzical expression at Connor. He realizes that he’s waiting for an answer.

 

Connor can’t help but smile.

 

“Yes. Pretend-friends.”

_______________________________________________

 

Jared Kleinman has always had a big mouth. He’s well aware that he can be a huge asshole sometimes.

 

He knows that his comment about Murphy’s hair this morning was out of line. He even almost felt responsible when Hansen got shoved into the lockers.

 

Almost.

 

He’s just relieved that he himself didn’t have to take the hit, because he knows that it probably would have been a punch in the face rather than a shove.

 

The first day of senior year has been rather uneventful for Jared.

 

Except for when he caught Murphy confessing his love for Evan Hansen to and empty hall.

 

For the first time in a while, he felt genuine happiness. Why, you ask?

 

Because Jared’s known Evan his whole life. They’re family friends. Or, that’s what he tells everyone else, including Evan. The truth is, Evan is probably the closest thing that Jared has to an actual friend. He would never tell anyone this, though.

 

He’s also known about Evan’s anxiety since before Evan knew about it.

 

So when he finds out that there’s someone who’s about as messed up as Evan, but in a different way, who has genuine romantic feelings for him, it makes him happy. Jared knows that Evan has a crush on Connor’s sister. He also knows that Evan is painfully obviously bisexual, even though he’s not very sure that even Evan himself knows about it.

 

Yep, Jared knows a lot of things.

 

He knows that this year is going to be quite interesting.

 

He’s just gotten home from school when he gets a phone call from an unknown number. He’s hesitant at first, but eventually answers the unknown caller.

 

“Jared Kleinman speaking”

 

_“Did you tell Evan about what you heard today?”_

 

At first, Jared has no idea of what this unknown person is talking about.

 

Then he remembers.

 

“Murphy?”

 

_“Did you tell him?”_

 

“Why do you think that I told him? I told you, I have a certain respect for privacy”

 

_“Because now, apparently, we’re going to ‘pretend’ like we are friends in public and I can’t see any other reason for him wanting that than you having something to do with this”_

 

“Murphy, you’re not making any sense. I have no idea what you’re talking about”

 

Then, Murphy launches into the story about how it came to be that him and Hansen are going to be ‘friends’ from now on. Jared let’s him rant, with the exceptional comment or question here and there. When Murphy has finished, Jared might burst with excitement.

 

He’s not going to though. At least not while talking to Connor.

 

“Ok, I still don’t understand why you would think that _I_ would have anything to do with this”

 

 _“Because this is all some kind of sick joke, isn’t it? It seemed legit at first, but the more I thought about it, the more it became obvious that something’s up and that you’re involved. Why wouldn’t you be? First the comment about my hair this morning and then the spying in the halls and now this. It’s all part of some prank. You’re just going to get me all involved in this and then expose me and everyone’s going to think that I’m crazy and-”_ Ok, Jared’s had it.

 

“Murphy, shut up!”

 

_“Don’t tell me to shut up, you-”_

 

“You’re overthinking. I should know, I’ve known Evan Hansen my whole life. This is definitely overthinking.”

 

_“I’ll know if you’re fucking with me, you know that, right?”_

 

“Well, I swear to you, I’m not involved in any conspiracy to bring you down.”

 

Jared can hear his mother calling for him from downstairs, telling him that dinner is ready.

 

“Dude, look, I’ve gotta go live my life now. Don’t overthink this to much, Evan’s not the kind of guy who would go along with something like what you’re describing. Trust me, I know the kid.”

 

_“Right, because you’re ‘family friends’. Do you know how much bullshit that whole ‘family-friend-thing is?”_

 

“Well, family friends or not, I can assure you that when it comes to Evan, I’m one of the people that know him the best. So you might want to stay on my good side, Murphy.”

 

_“You’re full of shit”_

 

“Right back at ya, dude.”

 

With that, the call ends and Jared goes downstairs to have a good ol’ family dinner.

 

Yep, this year is _definitely_ going to be quite interesting.

 

This Jared knows for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts!


	4. Dinner and Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan has dinner with his mom. Connor and Zoe have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY for being the absolute worst and not updating for 5 months. Honestly, I've been really stressed about school and haven't really had any inspiration to write anything. Yesterday it finally cracked and finally got to finish writing this. I'm hoping that I'll be able to get the updates out at least a bit closer but since I'm also a very naturally stressed person and a senior in high school about to start her last semester before FINALLY graduating it might be hard...
> 
> Again, I'm so sorry.
> 
> I hope you enjoy! <3

That night, when Evan gets home, he can smell food cooking in the kitchen.

 

Correction, he can smell cooked food in the kitchen. It’s probably not actually cooked in the kitchen, since his mother never really has time to cook. Still, it’s nice knowing that he won’t have to deal with paying some delivery guy who just wants his money and not have to stand looking at an awkward, sweaty, nervous teenage boy who can’t seem to decide whether he should leave a twenty- or a ten dollar bill and maybe just leaving a ten seems cheap since it won’t be a very large tip but leaving a twenty is _way_ to much-

 

“Why are you even thinking about this? It’s not like you have to deal with it today.”

 

The words come out of Evan’s mouth without him really noticing. He speaks to himself pretty often, so it’s not really anything new.

 

Usually, no one’s there to hear him, though.

 

“Evan, is that you?” Evan can hear his mother calling out from the kitchen. “Who are you talking to, sweetie?”

 

His mother is home?

 

“Oh, I didn’t say anything…” He chokes out, knowing that both he and his mother knows that’s a lie.

 

Instead of thinking very much about it, Evan makes his way into the kitchen. There’s a bag of chinese food on the kitchen counter, as well as some chopsticks.

 

“You’re not working tonight?”

 

“Actually, I managed to switch my shift. I work tomorrow night instead.”

 

“Oh…” Evan can’t help but being a bit disappointed. He had really been looking forwards to having the following night with his mother.

 

“I know, we were supposed to have tomorrow night together. But I really wanted to know how your first day went, so I thought that we could just… you know… hang out tonight instead.” His mom hands Evan a box of chow mein and chopsticks, which he gladly accepts.

 

He hadn’t really gotten around to having lunch.

 

“Oh, okay. Yeah, sure.”

 

“So, how was it?”

 

“How was what?”

 

“Your first day?”

 

Evan is an idiot.

 

“Oh, yeah, right! I mean, it wasn’t all that bad…” He says, trying to come up with something to tell his mother about the day.

 

He can’t really think of anything. Nothing ever really happens. It’s usually the same; Getting to school, trying to get through classes without embarrassing himself to much, writing his letters…

 

“Actually, I- when I was in the computer lab I ran into this kid in my english class… Connor Murphy?”

 

Evan’s mom has a look on her face, and he’s finding it hard to read it.

 

Is that… I sort of looks like a mix of shock, relief, pride and trying to figure out who he’s talking about at the same time.

 

“Connor Murphy…” She begins. “Is it the same Connor that you went to preschool with?”

 

Oh, right, they did that.

 

“Uh… yeah, that’s him.” Evan manages to say, before continuing. “Anyway, we talked and, well… he agreed to sign my cast.”

 

He lifts up his arm so that his mom can see it properly. Then again, had she not seen it before she must be blind. He really covered the whole cast, oh my god.

 

Not that Evan’s complaining, though…

 

“Wow… that’s great, sweetheart! No wonder no one else has signed it, he really covered the whole cast!”

 

She sounds so proud.

 

Evan will definitely leave out the part about this happening at the end of the day.

 

“Oh, did you talk anything to Jared today?” His mother asks, completely oblivious to the fact that Evan and Jared aren’t really friends. It’s all Jared can talk about, after all, since all he really cares about is his moms paying his car insurance.

 

“Yeah, we talked a bit this morning.” Evan says instead of what he’s thinking. It’s not a lie, after all. They did in deed talk that morning. She doesn’t need to know what they were talking about.

 

“Didn’t he want to sign your cast?” His mother looks a bit disappointed, though clearly trying to hide it.

 

“Oh, I forgot to ask him…”

 

Ah, there it is. Lying to his mom about his and Jared’s relationship.

 

Evan hates lying to his mother. In a way, it feels like betrayal. But then again, when he does tell her the truth about how something feels or something bad that happened in school, she always looks so sad and worried. And he hates to make his mother sad and worried about him. She works so hard. She doesn’t need to be worrying about him on her free time.

 

“Well, all in all it sounds like you had a pretty good first day.”

 

She sounds happy. Genuinely happy. Maybe this fake-friend thing will help Evan outside of school as well.

 

“Yeah, I guess it was pretty good.”

 

For the first time in a very long time, Evan says that and he means it. He feels optimistic, and he thinks that he could get used to the feeling.

 

 

______________________________________________________

 

When Connor gets off the phone with Jared, he flops down on his bed. He hadn’t realized that he’d been pacing his room until fucking Kleinman had told him that he was overthinking.

 

Who is Jared to tell him that he’s overthinking things? Asshole.

 

He’d been right, though. Connor would never admit it to his face. Or to anyone’s face. Or to himself.

 

Is this what it feels like to be anxious over a crush? He’d never really had to be anxious over Evan before. It had always been him, watching from a distance, knowing that he would never have him in his life. Neither as a friend or a lover.

 

Now, all of a sudden, Evan wants to hang out with him?

 

Or well, ‘pretend to be his friend’. But they have to hang out either way, so… They’re friends now? Is that how it works? He doesn’t know.

 

Connor is brought back to reality when the front door opens and slams shut. For once, he’s not the one slamming the doors.

 

“Connor Murphy!”

 

That’s Zoe’s voice. She sounds pissed.

 

_‘Great, now what have I done?’_

 

He can hear her stomping up the stairs and walking towards his room. Did he lock the door?

 

The door slams open and Zoe looks absolutely furious.

 

Should have locked the door.

 

“What have I done now?” Is all that Connor can bother saying, he’s to fed up with everything else to really care.

 

“Do you want to tell me why I saw you shoving Evan and calling him a freak at school this morning?”

 

Connor is wide awake now.

 

He sighs. “Come in and close the door, will you?” If their parents heard that he was into a guy he’d be in for the worst next few weeks ever.

 

Correction; his mother probably wouldn’t care very much. She’d probably just be happy that he seems to have ‘broken out of his shell’ or whatever. His father, on the other hand, would be acting weird for at least a year.

 

Zoe steps into his room and closes the door. She looks less angry now.

 

“How do you expect to ever be able to build a relationship with this guy if you do _that_?” She says as she walks over to Connor’s bed and sits down by the edge.

 

“Does it make you feel better that I apologized to him?”

 

Yep. Connor is about to tell her everything. She’s the only person who he can talk about this with. Jared doesn’t count.

 

“You did what?” Zoe looks like she doesn’t quite believe him. Connor doesn’t blame her. He’s never been good with apologies.

 

“I met him in the computer lab this afternoon and told him I was sorry about what happened.”

 

Zoe looks like she’s about to faint.

 

“Okay, and what did he say?” She asks, sounding like she’s anticipating a disaster.

 

“He… apologized? Then he tried to justify that I pushed him.”

 

“And what did you say then?”

 

“First of all, I had to tell him to shut up in order to be able to say anything at all because he was just rambling on.”

 

Zoe stands up. “Connor!”

 

“And then I told him to stop apologizing.”

 

“Oh my god, Connor! Do you realize how much of an asshole you must have come across as?”

 

Connor thinks about it. It probably wasn’t the nicest way to go. Then again, Connor is not the nicest person.

 

“Well before that I signed his cast.” He says, to make sure that Zoe knows that he’s not a complete asshole at least.

 

“Okay, less asshole-ish.” She seems to approve and sits back down. “Did you ask him how he broke it?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And?”

 

“He fell out of a tree.”

 

Zoe just stares for a moment, then she bursts out laughing.

 

“Now who’s the asshole?” Connor says, a bit more offended than he probably should be. “Seriously, who laughs at someone who broke his arm?”

 

“Someone who expected literally anything else than _that_.” Is Zoe’s response through her laughter. “I’m sorry, I just… was really not expecting that ‘he fell out of a tree’ would be your response.”

 

“Well, like it or not, that’s how it happend.” Connor says, and then continues. “Anyway, now my name’s on his cast so at least he knows my name.”

 

“Alright, I’ll call that progress.” Zoe says, looking almost proud of Connor. “Is there anything else that you want to tell me about this encounter? Or did you just walk away after telling him to shut up?

 

“I walked away-”

 

“Oh my god, Con-”

 

“Let me finish!” Connor has had it with her interrupting him. “He came after me.”

 

Zoe’s face goes completely blank of expressions. “He did what?”

 

“Well, when I said that I signed his cast, I mean that I signed his _whole_ cast.” Connor starts. “He seemed a little startled about it so to save it said that at least now we can both pretend like we have friends.”

 

“That’s harsh.”

 

“I know. Anyways, when I left he ran after me and told me that if we’re both gonna pretend like we have friends and people are going to see my name all over his cast then we might as well actually pretend like we’re friends…”

 

Zoe’s gone from confused to absolutely beaming. It’s amazing how fast her mood can change.

 

“That means that you’re gonna start to hang out? Connor, do you know what that means? You’ll finally be able to get to know him!”

 

Something tells Connor that Zoe’s more excited about this than he is. Then again, she doesn’t know that the insanely annoying Jared Kleinman knows about everything.

 

Connor is not planning on telling her, either.

 

“Well, I guess it’s not the worst thing ever.” He replies, trying to contain the growing excitement within him. It’s a nice contrast to the overflowing anxiety that he was feeling before. Zoe’s happiness must be rubbing off on him.

 

“Do you have his number?”

 

That would have been a nice thing to have, Connor realizes.

 

“I didn’t think about asking him… but I’ll just get it tomorrow.”

 

“Right.” All of a sudden, Zoe looks a lot more concentrated than usual. “Tomorrow you have to meet him at his locker, first thing in the morning.”

 

Did Zoe just turn into Connor’s mother? Is Connor five? Even though he appreciates her enthusiasm, this feels a little weird…

 

“Got it, I can handle my own fake friendships, thank you very much.”

 

“If you say so, big guy.” She says, looking rather unbothered by his comment. “But I hope you understand that you have to update me on this every single day.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Good. I look forward to this year way more than I did before.”

 

“Dinner is served!” Their mother calls out from the bottom of the stairs.

 

“I hope the food is edible today.” Connor can’t help but saying before they both leave his room. “I was looking for Evan all day and didn’t have lunch.

 

“Well, maybe tomorrow you’ll have someone to have lunch with”

 

Zoe has a sly smile on her face.

 

Usually, Connor would give her a not-to-hard punch on her arm. Today, he just smiles to himself and lets out a chuckle. Zoe seems to notice, and starts laughing too.

 

Today was a pretty good day, after all.

 

Connor thinks he might be looking forward to this year a bit more, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Jared has two moms. No one will ever convince me otherwise. Fight me.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Fell free to leave feedback, and correct my spelling/grammar.
> 
> Until next time, have a very nice day!


	5. Newfound Confidence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Murphy's have breakfast. Evan and Connor go to class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you know, I actually post another chapter right after posting? It'll probably never happen again, folks.

Tuesday morning.

 

At about 6:30 am, Zoe wakes up and gets dressed. She doesn’t know why she’s got so much energy this particular morning. It usually takes her at least ten minutes just to wake her brain up and get herself out of bed.

 

Then she remembers that her brother all of a sudden has become friends with his crush.

 

Or, as Connor referred to it as, ‘pretend-friends’. Zoe doesn’t buy that concept. She’s seen the movies, those kind of things never work. It’s always the same thing; two people try to fool everyone by pretending to be something that they’re not. It always ends up with them being the very thing that they were pretending to be.

 

Connor and Evan are going to be hanging out on a daily basis, so whether they like it or not, they will have to get to know each other.

 

Or whether Evan likes it or not. Zoe knows that Connor definitely won’t be complaining.

 

That reminds her, Zoe should probably check on Connor to make sure that he actually goes to school. It would be so typical if he just decided to back out now. Furthermore, Evan would probably be disappointed as well.

 

Zoe is not about to let that happen.

 

After all, Evan was the one to suggest the whole thing in the first place. Much to Zoe’s surprise and definitely to Connor’s surprise.

 

It’s not really a secret that Evan is a little bit closed off to other people. He’s always been a little bit on the outside looking in. Zoe’s never really seen him being close to anyone. Except for Jared Kleinman, who seemed to be his only friend back in middle school but stopped hanging out with him when they started high school.

 

Not that Zoe has any right to judge Jared, though. She knows that she haven’t exactly made an effort to talk to Evan, either. Partly, she feels bad about it. Partly, she doesn’t know how she would have approached him in the first place. They literally know nothing about each other. They’ve only spoken once, after one of the Jazz Band’s gigs. Evan had approached her and probably just tried to tell her that she was good, or something. It had ended up a complete mess of words. Nothing he said had made any real sense. It had reminded Zoe a bit of that meme with the bee from Bee Movie where the bee is like “you like Jazz?”.

 

Why is Zoe even thinking about this?

 

Oh, right! Fake-friendship!

 

Zoe opens her bedroom door and walks out into the hall. She goes over to Connor’s door and is about to knock, when it suddenly opens.

 

And there’s Connor, in all of his glory, looking absolutely terrified.

 

Zoe can’t help but smile. Connor doesn’t look pleased.

 

“You think this is funny?” He asks, with his typical morning harshness. Only this time, there is a hint of desperation and fear in his voice.

 

Zoe almost feels bad for him.

 

“How long have you been awake?” She asks, instead of answering Connor’s question. Honestly, he looks like he’s barely slept at all.

 

“Since about fifteen minutes ago.” Connor deadpans, walking past Zoe and out in the hall towards the stairs.

 

“Okay, when did you fall asleep, then?” Zoe pushes. “Because seriously, dude, you look drained.”

 

“Can you blame me?” Connor doesn’t sound like himself at all this morning.

 

“Connor.” Zoe says, just as they’re both at the top of the stairs. “I promise, Evan’s probably just as freaked out about today as you are. Just act like you normally do, because it clearly made him want to start to hang out with you in the first place.”

 

Connor doesn’t answer, but he looks considerably calmer after what he’s just been told. Which makes Zoe a little bit calmer, too. The last thing that he needs right now is to freak out. Because that’ll probably make Evan freak out. That would give the situation an anxious boy who’s freaking out and another boy who’s crushing on the anxious boy, who is also freaking out. That’s, like, the ultimate recipe for disaster.

 

Zoe really doesn’t want this to be a disaster.

 

____________________________________________

 

When Connor gets down to have breakfast he’s a lot calmer than he was five minutes before. Say what you want about Zoe, but she knows how to calm someone down.

 

The same can’t be said about Connor. If he tried to calm someone down, they’d probably end up even more upset than they were before.

 

Maybe Zoe should be the one who befriends Evan and not Connor.

 

“Good morning!”

 

Connor is brought back to reality by his mother chipper morning tone. Usually it would annoy him, but today it seems like nothing can get to him.

 

His head is too stuffed with everything that might go wrong today at school.

 

“Morning.” Zoe answers, taking her seat at the table.

 

Connor sits down, too. He looks down at the table. Then he grabs a bagel. Then he puts some cheese on it. Then he pours some milk into his glass. It all kind of just happens automatically. Like he’s watching it happen rather than doing it himself.

 

He’s almost scared of himself. This is not like him at all. Is it possible to be more nervous than he is right now? Probably not, because if it was possible then Connor doesn’t want to know how it will feel when he’s actually going to approach Evan.

 

Of course he won’t show Evan that he’s nervous. Connor’s gotten pretty good at hiding his emotions. He usually just plays it off by pretending he doesn’t care. Or just pretending to be pissed, or something. People usually leave him alone that way. So it’s a win/win situation for everybody, mostly.

 

He can’t pretend to be angry in front of Evan, though. Or like he doesn’t care.

 

Connor’s so fucked.

 

“Sweetie, are you alright?”

 

Connor looks up from his bagel and meets his mother’s eye. She looks concerned.

 

“Yeah, I’m just… tired.”

 

“Did you have a bad night’s sleep?” She sounds concerned, too.

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Did you go to sleep at all?”

 

Great, just what Connor needs. His father getting on his case. Today, of all days. Not that it doesn’t happen on other days.

 

“Okay, for the record, I did.” Connor snaps. “Did it ever occur to you that I just couldn’t sleep? And what do you care, anyway?”

 

“The last thing we need is fighting around the table.” His mother says, clearly trying to keep the peace. Connor has to admit, this has been a calmer morning than usual.

 

It’s… kind of nice.

 

Connor finishes his bagel, then he leaves the table and goes up to his room. He lays down on his bed and closes his eyes for a few minutes. Then he opens them, because everybody knows that “closing your eyes” is a dangerous game to play in the morning if you have anywhere to be. Which Connor does. He needs to go meet the insanely cute Evan Hansen by his locker.

 

He can hear a knock on his door frame. It’s Zoe.

 

“You ready to leave?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Connor reluctantly gets up from his way to comfortable bed, grabs his bag and walks after Zoe out of his room, then closes the door behind him.

 

“You’re driving.” Connor says, walking out the front door and onto the driveway.

 

“I am?” Zoe says, looking stunned. “Usually, we fight about who gets to drive. Now you’re just giving it to me.”

 

“Well, I’ve barely slept at all and I don’t feel like getting us killed today, so…”

 

Zoe immediately gets a smirk on her face. “Right, because you’ve got an important appointment to get to today.”

 

“Oh, shut up and get in the car”

 

“And the Connor Murphy we all know has officially returned.”

 

Connor doesn’t reply. He just flips Zoe off and opens the door to the passenger side of Zoe’s car and gets in. He can hear Zoe laugh outside, before getting in the driver’s seat and closing the door.

 

“Just don’t be rude to him, will you?” She says, suddenly looking a bit more serious.

 

“I’ll try, I promise.” Connor answers. Because he will. He really, really wants to make a good impression on his new fake-friend.

 

He really, really wants this to go well.

 

____________________________________________

 

Evan gets to school on the same time as he normally does. He’s a bit more observant of his surroundings than usual, just in case he would spot Connor.

 

He doesn’t exactly know what he would do if he actually did see him. Would he walk up to him? Maybe he’s forgotten all about their talk from the day before?

 

No, Evan doesn’t think so. He’s heard a lot of nasty things about Connor, but he honestly doesn’t think he’s that bad. Connor just… he doesn’t seem like a bad person. Not at all, actually. From what Evan has experienced, he’s pretty decent.

 

Then again, Evan had a conversation that was no longer than ten minutes long with him. Half of that time, it was just Evan apologizing. So, to be honest, Evan barely has any experience at all. Except for the fact that Connor shoved him and later apologized. Then he agreed to pretend to be Evan’s friend. Thinking about that, Evan realizes how weird it really is. They’re gonna pretend to be friends. Who does that?

 

‘ _You need to chill._ ’ Evan tells himself, as he approaches his locker. He’ll just roll with it. If Connor’s forgotten about it, then there’s really nothing to worry about. If he hasn’t forgotten about it, then they’re on the same page and they’ll just work it out from there.

 

Evan actually manages to calm himself down a little bit. It’s a strange feeling.

 

As Evan puts things in and takes out books from his locker, he suddenly feels someone standing beside him. He takes his things and closes the locker, only to be met by Connor Murphy, leaning against the lockers, looking straight at him.

 

“Hello there, dear friend.” He says, looking rather unbothered, but not in a mean way.

 

“Oh. Hi.”

 

Really, Evan?

 

“So what classes do you have before lunch?” Connor asks, as if trying to plan out the day.

 

Evan breaks down his schedule for the day to Connor. Turns out they both have their lunch period at the same time, as well as a few classes together. Including their first period, which is english.

 

“That’s good.” Connor says. “Then we’ll need to go through basic knowledge while having lunch. Do you usually eat in the cafeteria or do you bring your own food?”

 

“I usually bring my own lunch…” Evan answers, thinking about the sandwich in his bag. Maybe Connor likes to sit and eat in the cafeteria? Evan usually doesn’t like eating in there, there are just so many people around.

 

Connor smiles. It’s not a big smile, but still. “Me too, which means we don’t have to sit with half of the school.”

 

Evan can feel himself relaxing a bit.

 

“What do you mean about “basic knowledge”?” He can’t help but ask. He didn’t quite understand what Connor was talking about when he mentioned it.

 

“Well, if we’re going to pretend like we’re friends, we’re going to need to know stuff about each other. You know, in case someone asks.”

 

That makes sense, Evan thinks. He should have thought about that, too.

 

Connor looks like he’s about to say something when the bells ring, signalling that their first period is about to start. Since they have the same class, Evan and Connor walk there together and sit down next to each other in the back of the room.

 

A few people seem a little bit taken aback by the fact that they walked into class together, or it might be for the fact that Connor is in class, at all. Evan’s sure they shared at least two classes during junior year but that he rarely saw Connor in them. He just never showed up. Except for english. Connor was always at his english classes.

 

Overall, people doesn’t seem to care about them having started to hang out, which is comforting to Evan. The last thing he wants is to attract attention to himself.

 

“Evan? Are you there?”

 

Evan snaps back to reality. “I’m sorry, I just… S-spaced out for a bit, I guess.” He says in a rush. Connor doesn’t seem to be bothered.

 

“It’s cool. It just looked like you weren’t really there for a moment.”

 

Well, it’s true.

 

Evan tries to think of something to say but is saved by the english teacher walking into the classroom and closing the door.

 

As the teacher starts to call out the names of the students, Evan starts to dread the moment that always comes on the first few days of school every year.

 

“Mark Hansen?”

 

“Present.” Evan replies. He usually just tells the teachers that he goes by his middle name after class.

 

The teacher continues to call names and Evan can feel someone looking at him. He turns his head, only to realize that Connor has a look of absolute shock on his face.

 

“Connor Murphy?”

 

“Here.” Connor replies, only to go straight back to looking at Evan again.

 

Evan realizes that he’ll probably have to explain this to Connor after class.

 

Sure enough, when class is over, and Evan has talked to his english teacher about his preferred name, Connor is standing outside of the classroom waiting for him.

 

The question comes immediately. “Your name is Mark?”

 

“Legally, yes.” Evan replies. “I feel like this is one of those things that I’ll tell you at lunch.” He continues, with a lot more confidence in his voice than he anticipated.

 

Connor seems to be fine with that answer. “It’ll definitely be the first thing that I ask you about.”

 

“Deal.” Evan says, feeling a smile creeping onto his face.

 

Just before they part for their next class, Evan feels a familiar pair of eyes looking at him and Connor. Jared is standing a bit further down the hall, and he seems to have noticed Evan and Connor hanging out. He looks… not very surprised. Which surprises Evan. Not that he thinks that Jared would care very much, but… He’d at least expected him to be a little startled if he _did_ notice it. And he definitely has.

 

Connor and Evan part ways and they agree to meet by the big tree where Evan usually like to sit and eat his lunch when the weather allows. There is a picnic table under it, so it’s really the perfect place to sit and have lunch it you want privacy. Usually people doesn’t care about sitting there. Mostly, the bleachers or the trees by the football field is where people hang out during lunch.

 

Evan prefers the tree that’s in front of the school, though. It’s much nicer and definitely more private, so he’s glad that people has chosen to leave it alone.

 

As he makes his way to his second class, Evan thinks about having lunch with Connor. He thinks that he might be looking forward to it.

 

When he’s about to walk into the classroom, Evan spots Zoe Murphy. She’s holding a guitar case and talking to a few people that Evan recognizes from the Jazz Band. As they get ready to go to class, Zoe looks at Evan’s direction for a microsecond and they lock eyes.

 

Evan can hardly believe it, but he thinks that she might be smiling at him.

 

The moment’s over a second later. Yeah, Zoe definitely smiled at him. What Evan finds more shocking, however, is that he didn’t get that “feeling” that he usually gets when he sees her. It felt… almost normal. Except for the fact that they’ve never really had eye contact before.

 

Maybe it’s for the better, Evan thinks. It’s probably good that he doesn’t have feelings for his fake-friend’s sister.

 

Fake-friend. Evan thinks about it. Judging by how the day has gone so far, how easy it had felt to talk to Connor with confidence - even though he had been extremely nervous all of the previous night and all morning - he thinks that maybe, someday, Connor might actually want to be friends with him.

 

Real friends.

 

Evan hopes so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank's for reading and as always, please let me know your thoughts!
> 
> Have a nice one!


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